Heartsick

The only thing she knew was how much she cared for him. The rest barely made sense. She held her head high, but the only thing she wanted to do was cry. He told her he didn't feel the same for her and her world shattered like a glass chandelier hitting the floor, but it was completely silent. Her friends knew she was sad, but they didn't know what to do to comfort her or if there was anything that could. To be honest, she wasn't sure either. She sat in her room staring silently at the wall when she came back from talking to him. She couldn't look at anything else for fear that the mask she had created would crack. She felt like she was going to explode, her heart deflated, her hopes dashed. She had fallen and fallen harder than she had ever expected. The time she spent with him made her smile more than she had in years. She couldn't stand when he was with her because she knew he would soon have to leave. It was a very unfair, double-edged sword that she wasn't very fond of. No matter how many compliments he gave her or times he tried to cheer her up, there wasn't much he could do to ease her pain. He did his best to keep her happy, even though it wasn't easy.
She knew how important it was for her mental health to get over him, but she wasn't sure she even wanted to. She felt so strongly for him that she didn't want to give up on something she wanted more than most. Her eyes drifted from the wall and in that exact moment, it was like a mirror hitting the floor. Her composure ruined, she gasped for breath as she sobbed. She knew there was nothing more she could do to try to make him realize how happy she could make him. Everything she wanted and dreamed about flowed out of her in tears. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop crying. She sat down on the floor and held her knees and rocked as she cried. She was screaming as loud as she could in her mind, but no sound came out when she tried to speak. Mascara running down her cheeks, hair in her face, nothing could stop her tears.
She knew it was cliché and she should just let it go, but she had let herself fall in deeper than she ever wanted to. She just felt different about him and he made her feel like she had a place to belong. No one had made her more comfortable than he did. He could get her to talk about anything, even when she didn't want to, and succeed in making her feel better. He made her heart race and her stomach flutter, sometimes she even forgot to respond. She knew she had to forget, but god, she would choose any other option available if there was one. She felt so lost, like she had no direction. Where was her light at the end of the tunnel? She didn't want to admit it to anyone, but she was broken again. She had to pick up the pieces of herself again. She needed to hold herself up, make herself walk forward, and forget the past again. Her heart hurt, her lungs ached in need of breath, her eyes burned from the tears. The dream she had fostered for so long was gone. Her hope had suddenly vanished.
She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her, but he had. He broke her heart and broke her hope. In the end, it wasn't his fault. She knew it was hers for putting herself out there, but she had been somewhat sure that he would give her a chance. She was wrong. He tried to protect her by delaying talking about it, but it just hurt her more. She couldn't stay angry at him, mostly because she cared for him so much. It was extremely frustrating, because it would be so much easier to get over him if she could stay mad at him. She couldn't see him without being reminded of the struggle she was going through in her heart. The two sides tugged at her insides until it hurt and most of the time, wouldn't even let her sleep. The dull painful throbbing of her heart reminded her of his words, though they were meant with no mal-intent. His words still stung, even just in her memories.
Her next move was not something she even knew how to formulate. It wasn't easy to even start thinking about, let alone creating an idea. It was something she had tried to do for a long time, but never came up with anything. She sighed, she had finally stopped crying and found enough strength to stand. Her head was down, but she wiped her eyes and stepped forward. She walked into the bathroom, took off the rest of her makeup, and whispered "it's time to rip off this mask, it isn't me anymore."