Confidence

I look in the mirror
And close my eyes
Hoping that I won't be there when I open my eyes
But when I open them I'm still staring at myself
I can't bear it
I'm trying to look away but I'm transfixed
I try to see past my reflection
But there's nothing there
I hide my face and walk away

I walk over to my backpack
And take out the test that my teacher gave back
Look at the cover page
One last time
Shaking my head and my head in my hands
I knew I was capable of more then this
But then I started doubting myself again
I throw down the test angrily
Then pick it back up and look at it longingly
And rip it right down the middle

I start to cry
And scream in eternal confusion
My life is just wearing me down to insane levels
Sadly there was no confedence to pick up the pieces
On the floor they all lay astray around me
Sometimes I wonder why I'm still alive
And why I never seem to amount to anything
Why don't I have skill at anything useful

Once upon a time
I know I had that confidence
I'm really perplexed about it's position now
The confidence has gone from me now
All I have now to rely on is hope
To get me through my darkest times
And to keep me taking risks
Every day walking with my head held high

I feel like a broken squeaky toy
One that can still squeak but bearly
Sitting in a box of old and broken toys
Useless and insignificant
Nothing seems to connect
All the dots are scattered around everywhere

But I'm still not good at anything
Where did my confidence go

(c) Zoe Geller 2005